If I Only Talked To People I Liked I Would Get Nowhere
Something that I have noticed that I used to do all the time and I still do now to an extent, is only talking to people that I liked. It is something that I believed would preserve my peace of mind and something that would just make me feel more comfortable with myself. I have come to find that it is not the best way to live.
What did I do?
I put myself in a box where I would just completely avoid anyone that did not agree with me or was just not a likable person in my eyes. As I am typing this I am trying to figure out when it was that I started to do this and I can’t point out an exact moment. I am not even sure what even caused it. Was it a defensive gesture? Is it just self-preservation? Is it natural to only want to talk with others who you like? It is definitely something that I believe I need to find out more about so that I am able to break out of the habit
I do want to make it clear that there is a difference between someone that you just do not like and someone is talking down on you or disrespecting you. You should not have to put up with disrespect or someone trying to belittle you. Someone who does that is not someone that I would like to affiliate myself with on a regular basis. I also don’t think you should have to go out of your way to talk with someone you don’t like. What I am saying is that if I have to deal with someone I don’t like on a personal level I can still treat them with dignity and respect, just how I would want to be treated.
Why not ignore people you don’t like?
I think most obviously for myself, it teaches me nothing about how to talk with others I don’t like. I am pretty sure that all of us will deal with someone we do not like at some point in our lives and we most likely will continue to all throughout our lives. Dealing with someone that you do not like takes a lot of skills, patients, and practice. So why would I not want to learn how to hone a skill that will make me a better person in the long run?
A second perk of talking with others that I don’t like is that I learn to practice empathy and understanding other mindsets. I think that in the United States of America where I live, we are so fixated on being right that we do not take the time to see another perspective. I have been guilty of it many times where I would already have the preconceived notion that what I was saying is right and anyone who thinks differently is wrong. It is a crippling mindset to have a mindset that I no longer want to have.
The final reason that I am going to put in this blog post for why I would want to talk with someone that I do not like, is that I am able to learn a lot more than if I were to only talk with people that I did like. When I am talking with someone that I like, I have noticed that most of the time I have something in common with them. It could be a common interest, a common goal, or just a common way of thinking and seeing life. There is usually something about the person that I can relate to on some level. And the opposite is true for when I don’t like someone. Usually, I am not able to find anything in common with a person I do not like. I noticed that the more I did not like the individual, the more I usually learned from them. Not necessarily learned from what they were talking about but learned all the things above plus I learned how to be cordial with someone that is different from myself, and I learn about different ways of thinking about a given situation.
Conclusion
There is probably way more that I could go on about if I really think about it but I will end with this last thought. For anyone who doesn’t like someone and does their best to just avoid them, try to learn more about them by talking with them. You don’t have to try to be their friend, use it as a learning experience. Again I want to reemphasize that if you feel like you are being disrespected or are being talked down to, that is different and that is someone that you most likely would want to avoid or talk with them and let them know how it makes you feel if they are receptive to it. If they are not receptive though it is probably best to just take the necessary steps to not have them in your life anymore. Or maybe you are up for the other challenge of dealing with someone who is disrespectful and rude to you. But that is a blog post for another day.
